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1. George had been suffering from insomnia for a while, since he'd been unemployed. He was being interviewed  for a job, and the man told him they wanted someone who was responsible. George said "Oh yes, I'm responsible. On my last three jobs, every time something went wrong, I was responsible!"

2. There was a chronically tired woman who went to the post office and bought all the stamps she could because she heard the price of postage would be going up.

3. Two guys who hadn't slept the night before are hunting together when one of them accidentally shoots the other one. He calls 911 on his cell phone and an operator picks up. "Help, please," he says, "I'm hunting and I just shot my friend and I think he's dead! What should I do?" The operator calmly replies, "First, make sure he's dead." There's a pause, then a loud BANG, and then the man comes back, "OK, now what do I do?"

4. Did you hear about the sleep-deprived woman who was fired from the M&M factory? She had been throwing all the W's away.

5. For many years, Larry and Martin had enjoyed an early Saturday morning golf game. One Saturday morning, Martin comes home looking bedraggled and just plain worn out. His wife was shocked and asked him what had happened, how his game had gone. Well, it seems that Larry had had a heart attack on the 3rd hole. "So," said Martin, "all day long it was hit the ball, drag Larry. Hit the ball, drag Larry...."

6. A very tired man was carried to the hospital after getting an ear cut off in a machine at work. after getting to the emergency room the surgeon sent a friend to retrieve the ear from the machinery. as the surgeon was sewing it on the patient kept saying over and over, "That's not my ear". The doctor finally asked him why did he think that and he said, "My ear had a pencil behind it.


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